Hurricane Sandy Cleanup and Relationships

What might you ask does Hurricane Sandy have to do with relationships? In the aftermath of the damage and devastation wrought by the hurricane, people are struggling to sift through their damaged property. Whether it is their car, home, or personal belongings such as furniture, clothing, books and toys, each person must decide whether to fix or clean it or throw it out.

My friend, Susan, called to tell me about her experience visiting the Schwartz family in Long Island whose home incurred 8-ft. high flood waters. Although the waters have mostly receded, a layer of water and mud drapes all of the belongings in the basement of her home. Susan offered to help Linda Schwartz go through her stuff so that she can arrange for a demolition crew to knock down the sheet rock and tiling and renovate the basement.

As Susan picked up a set of mega-Legos, she wondered whether or not Linda wanted her to clean off the mud and dry them. Since they were made out of plastic, they were not actually damaged – just a little dirty. Linda replied that she didn’t want to bother cleaning them and drying them – just throw them out. “I’d rather buy new ones,” she said.

How many of us have this same approach?  “Why bother fixing or cleaning it, just throw it away and buy a new one?” When our camera breaks or our GPS stops functioning, where can we go to get it fixed? Unfortunately there are almost no repair shops around today. There doesn’t seem to be enough of a market to fix things. Although the alternative is spending more money and risk in trying out a new product that might break again – most of us opt to just buy a new one.

How often do we have this approach when challenges arise in our relationships? Our disposable economy, in which we are used to throwing out things that are dirty or broken, rather than cleaning or fixing them, may influence us to think: “If I am struggling with issues or conflicts in my relationship, I should abandon it and find a new one.”  The reality is though, that without developing essential relationship skills, we are likely to re-experience the same challenges again and again – no matter who partners with us in our relationship.

It is in our interest to attempt to fix and polish our relationship rather than find a new one. Who knows? We might end up realizing that the person is in fact right for us. And even if the relationship doesn’t work out in the end, by doing so, we will have honed our own relationship building skills and become even more ready for the relationship we’ve been waiting for!