Caring About What Other People Think

One of the most fundamental strategies to enhancing our relationships is eliciting feedback from others.  We don’t always see ourselves the way other people see us.

Jake may think he is a terrific conversationalist, while his friends think he talks about himself too much. Lynn may consider herself a great listener, while her dates say she’s too quiet. When we ask family members, friends, or co-workers how we are doing and what they think we can do better we increase our self-awareness. We gain insight into our personal strengths and weaknesses that we might otherwise not know about. This alternate perspective on who we are and who we can be can serve as a springboard for personal growth.

Marshall Goldsmith in What Got You Here Won’t Get You There (New York: Hyperion, 2007) offers a practical suggestion to help people become aware of how they are perceived in the eyes of others. Write a list of people’s casual comments about you for one day. Then do it again the next day, and the next. After you have compiled a list for a few days, analyze the remarks to explore how others perceive you.

For example, if people repeatedly say, “What I meant was,” or “What I’m trying to say is…” – perhaps you should enhance your listening skills. If people often say, “I’m always waiting for you,” or “Why haven’t you sent it yet?” – you might try to work on time management.

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