Finding Happiness

"If I could find the ideal partner, I'd be happy."

"I'll be happy... when I get married!"

“If only I had ___________, I would be happier.” (Fill in the blank: a new job, more money, a better boss, a bigger house, a more attractive physique.)

Yet, research shows that happiness is not something to be attained. The principle of adaptability states that people who become happier after attaining something they desire cannot sustain this increased level of happiness. Rather, they tend to adapt to the new circumstance and eventually return to their former state of happiness. For example, surprisingly, people who have won multimillion dollar lotteries do not become happier than they were beforehand. In fact, research shows that they often become depressed. Perhaps they despair when they realize that having all that money does not lead them to the happiness they crave.

If continued happiness does not come when you get something that you want, then how can you be happier? Research shows that you need to work at it. There are some specific practices that are frequently found among happy people. You can increase your happiness day-by-day by consciously incorporating these strategies into your life.

Sonja Lyubomirsky, scientific researcher on happiness, in her book The How of Happiness (2008), provides many useful strategies for increasing happiness. Here are my top five:

1. Express gratitude
2. Cultivate optimism
3. Avoid over-thinking and social comparison
4. Nurture social relationships
5. Savor life’s joys

It is probable that you may be practicing some of these behaviors already. If you are, you can benefit from them even more by focusing and being more mindful as you do them.

For example, if you already savor life’s joys, be even more conscious when you experience a daily pleasure. If you like coffee, don’t just enjoy drinking the coffee. Experience the coffee fully with your senses.  Inhale deeply as the smell of the coffee wafts into the air. Watch as the swirl of the milk transforms the dark coffee into a lighter shade. Savor the warmth emanating from the coffee as you cradle the round cup inside the palm of your hand. Taste the unique flavor of the coffee blend as it rolls across your tongue. Appreciate the marvelous pleasure of experiencing a cup of coffee. The more you slow down to mindfully experience daily joys like this, the more you will open your mind and heart for happiness to enter. 

Consult The How of Happiness for more details about how to incorporate these strategies into your day. You don’t have to use all of the strategies in order to become happier. Find the strategies that are the best fit for you. The more happiness strategies you practice consistently, the happier you will be.

(I bought my copy from Amazon. It was a great price and it came in 2 days. Click here to find out more!) 

The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want